xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
I actually wrote this when it happened, about a week or so ago, but never got around to posting it.  So everything was fine, it was just really weird at the time. 

I want to go to sleep, but I also want to stay up and write.  But it's become a pretty weird night, and it has me feeling uneasy.  There's been a storm outside for a couple hours now, which is pretty strange for Florida already.  Most storms here tend to come and go in a matter of minutes. But also the thunder that's coming along with it is being strange. 
Most of the time the storms around here, while unusually short, have normal lightning and thunder.  But this storm has a constant rumble that never stops.  It's been over two hours and it's still going.  It's like the rumble of a rocket taking off from very far away.  Not enough to rattle the windows, but enough you can hear and to some degree feel the low rumble. 
I got a video of a storm that sounded like this once a long time ago, it was eerie back then too. 
I'm sure everything is fine, but I'm going to double check that the doors are locked before I go to sleep tonight. 
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
 I finally have all the stuff to shoot, develop, scan, and print my own photos.  But I haven't done it yet.  I've shot plenty of photos, but I'm honestly a little nervous when it comes to the developing.  It's one part of photography that I've never done before.  I have some in paper knowledge, but no practical experience with it.  
I imagine it's like the first time you drive a car with a manual transmission, nothing about it is hard, but almost everyone stalls the first couple times.  I expect my first couple times will be probably be a bit shaky at least.  I'll probably run through the procedure with just water a time or two just to get the motions down, then dive into the chemestry and try a roll.  
it's funny to me that after all these years of photography, I've never done this, even though I started with film way back when.  But I've decided tomorrow is the day.  I'm going to get past this bout of nerves and take the next step.  Being able to do it all in house will be a huge boon and push me forward.  
I'm not nervous anymore, I'm eager.  I can do this.  Tomorrow is the day.  
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
i've noticed myself reaching backwards a lot lately.  Like reaching back for things from a simpler or more desirable to me period of time.  As if to try and hold on to some things from the past because I don't like where their modern counterparts are going anymore.  I've watched tech for example go from something where I was always looking forward with anticipation to it's advances, to where I fear every new update or release will bring some new enshitification.  Or remove a feature or function that I rely on. 

And then there's the ever increasing data collection that has become just rampant now.  My smartphone and smartwatch feel more like tracking devices than tools that serve me half the time anymore. I find myself avoiding them just to get away from the feeling of being constantly monitored.  It makes me want to go back to a simple flip phone and a PDA.  Sometimes I go straight past that and just use a pad and pen, forgoing any electronic solution entirely. 

Nostalgia is also part of it.  That's why I've started shooting film cameras again.  There's just something about the feel of it, it's like typing a letter on a typewriter instead of sending an email, it just feels more visceral, more real.  I've heard talk of an analog renaissance, and i guess it's fair to say I'm part of it.  For a multitude of reasons, I've leaned back into the analog world.  And I find after decades of being into tech and living in the digital world, I'm really the most happy there. 
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)

I was having a chat with a friend online earlier, and we were remiscing on how at one point, it was a lot easier to keep up with our friends in the furry world. Basically everyone was on the same chats, Those differed a little bit from time to time, but for many years the hubs of furry activity were IRC, and Livejournal. If you wanted to find anyone, they were probably on one, or both of those things. There were always other places where small groups would form, but the vast majority of folks were in those places. 

This made it so easy to find anyone. Today there are a dozen different places that everyone has scattered off to. Different websites, different chat programs, different social media. It's become a burden now to find people. Along with that, how we communicate has changed a lot. A lot more emphisis now is on microblogging, or instant messages. Things where it's just impossible to really lay out a full thought because either you're squeezed for space, or pressed for time. For some of us, like myself, this has made keeping up with thins in general a lot less fun. 

Livejournal, was great because you could take your time, and you weren't constrained to a specific number of characters for a reply. If you didn't get to saying something for days, that was also just fine. It wasn't going to disappear into a flooded timeline like things do on modern social media. In a lot of ways, it was better. The interactions were better, the conversations were better, the only thing that could be considered a negative is that it wasn't instant like modern things are. But that wasn't really so bad. 

I kinda' wish that we could have that again here. That we could find the people that were interested in that kind of long form, forum style interaction and collect them in one place. i know we'll never have Livejournal as it was ever again. And Dreamwidth while good, isn't what Liverjournal was at that time. but it would be really nice to have something that filled that spot that seems to be missing today again. 

At least we still have Dreamwidth, and the folks I've come across so far seem to be really nice here. We can sitll enjoy that for now, and maybe hoepfully in the future, more people will decide to come back to this kind of environment. I can hope. That said, I hope that IRC will come back too. Even if I realize both of these things are extremely unlikely. 

xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
 I was listening to someone talk about J.R.R. Tolkien, and about how some of his stories were published after his death.  And it made me realize that actually a lot of great writers have had work published after they passed on.  And it occured to me that in our modern times, it's very unlikely that this would happen.  
For a lot of artists, everything they do is done in the digital world.  Every word they write, everything they say.  Including most authors today.  And if anything were to happen to those writers, all of their unpublished work would probably just be lost.  Either trapped in digital hell till  a cloud storage provider decides to delete it, or on some older computer left to rot.  

I wonder how many books were never published, because the writer died and their work was all online? How many great novels are stuck on the drive of some long broken computer, slowly disintegrating, tossed out as so much e-waste?

The days of the posthumous author, may die with the typewriters they used to write their works.  Computers and the internet are fantastic tools for sure, but maybe working on paper, something more permanent, still has a place.  I know for me it always will.  But maybe for the sake of the future it should as well.  
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
 I wrote this a few months ago, but forgot to post it. While it's no longer just becoming autumn, the rest of it still applies, so I'm posting it now.

Camping. 

I really kinda' want to take a trip and go camping. And just bring either my pens and some paper, or this tablet and enough battery to keep it charged for the duration. I'd like to see what happens if I just go somewhere and live a simpler life. Somewhere in the wilderness where I can disconnect from the chronically online life and focus on just getting some of the ideas and stuff that are in my head out. 

I'm reminded of Thoreau and his cabin in the woods where he went on retreat and wrote Walden. Something like that sounds really appealing to me. Just being able to concentrate on the simple things in life, and writing. As well, its been a really long time since I got out into nature, even a little. Over 20 years. I think the last time I went camping was in the early 2000's, and even that was only a few times. I'm not even sure where the good spots to camp down here are anymore. But as we head into the fall season and, (hopefully,) cooler temperatures it couldn't hurt to look. 

I remember back near where I used to live in NY, there were places where I could rent a small, simple cabin for a short time. Something like that might be a good starting point. I could work out of a tent if I was just going for a weekend or something, but if I wanted to spend a little longer something a little more solid would be best. Something like that would probably also have at least a small desk or room for one inside. They have the same thing down here, some places even let you rent by the month. I'd love to do that if I could afford it. Just rent a cabin for a month and spend that time mostly writing. 

I'm not sure if / when I'll get to actually do something like that, but it's a nice little dream, the biggest hurdle to jump over to make this happen is just finding the time to do it. 

xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
And ordered the hardware and chemicals to develop my own film.  So I can start learning to do that by early December.  I really hope this goes well.  This is a part of the film process that I've never done before, so I'm honestly a little nervous.  On paper it really doesn't seem hard to do, but then again neither does driving a stick.  But just like that, I'm sure I'll screw up a little on the way to getting it right.
I need to learn how to scan the negatives as well.  Same to same it doesn't look difficult, but I'm not sure my scanner is even up to this, and while I've worked with GIMP before doing photo editing, I haven't worked with it with negatives. 

Either way, it's going to be interesting. :) 
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
So recently we've been seeing a LOT of bad customer service stories, especially from ASUS.  So I thought I'd throw some of my recent RMA stories out here. 

Recently I had both a Radeon 6950 XT from XFX, and an ASUS Prime B450 MiniATX motherboard die on me for various reasons.  And I had pretty good experiences with both companies. 

Both cases were just as simple as me describing what was going on, and sending in the hardware.  From there, I got a new Radeon 6950 XT from XFX, And ASUS actually took my board, fixed a bad chip on it, and sent it back to me.  It's 100% again and back to running my little game server just like before. 

I mention this because ASUS especially has had a LOT of bad press over the last 6 mos - year, and they did do some pretty shady stuff to earn it.  But if my experience is anything to go by, they've started realizing that isn't going to work in the long run.  Wish all the mess around them, I was seriously considering just not buying anything from ASUS in the future, but they treated me well, and didn't give me any trouble at all with honoring my warranty claim.  I've otherwise had pretty good luck with their stuff, so when it comes time for me to get new hardware again I'll definitely be giving their stuff a look. 

And XFX, honestly they've always been pretty good to me. They're one of my go to brands when it comes to video cards.  So it was just nice to see they're still doing what they've always done as far as taking care of their customers. 

Anyway, just tossing this out there because with all the bad news around tech nowadays I thought a couple good interactions might be refreshing. 

Cheers! 
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
 Over the last few months, I've started shooting photos on film again.  I had walked away from it for over 20 years, but having stepped back into it I'm finding that I really like the process.  And there are some neat things you can do with film that don't translate well to the digital world.  But I've decided that I'm going to take it farther than I did before and also start developing my own film.  
I'm probably going to screw up a few times, so I'm going to sacrifice a couple rolls to the gods, but hopefully after I get it down it'll just become a normal part of my photography.  I've already been looking at some equipment, and will probably go with a Patterson system for starters.  I'm kind of excited for this.  We're starting to see a little film renaissance so there are new film stocks coming out and even some new cameras being made.  I don't know if we're ever going to see film be mainstream again, but it's far from the only older tech that I've made part of my daily life.  (points at his typewriters.)  
Time to pick up some Patterson tanks, developer and fixer.  :)  
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
I used to swap my phone every 2 years, but I don't anymore. I used to also flip back and forth between Android and iOS, but don't do that anymore either. Honestly, I don't care about the endless churn of devices anymore. At the end of the day, it's a phone. It makes calls and sends texts. If I want to take a photo, I'm still going to grab a camera. If I want to play a game, I'm still going to grab something like my Switch, Smart phones do everything a little, but they aren't the best at any of it. We've just gotten so used to the convenience that we're willing to put up with doing everything on a 6" screen in a very mediocre way. And that's not even going into the rampant data mining and corporate surveillance that comes with keeping a small computer with a GPS and modem in our pockets. Taking it everywhere we go and using it for everything we do.
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)

Smartphones have become a ball and chain.

Their use is so ubiquitous, so expected, that it's become the odd person that doesn't use one.

it's expected whenever we do anything we'll use the phone app for it. And everything has an app.

It's so bad one can feel lost if they don't bring a smartphone with them everywhere, often checking it or posting from it several times an hour, every day, for years.

It's amazing to think 15 years ago, most people didn't use them.

Just 15 years.

People are starting to shed their smartphones again now. The younger folks. Though for different reasons than I consider doing it.

I want to for privacy, they want to for mental health, we're both right.

The being constantly available is a drain. And being constantly surveilled a threat. Smartphones are the penultimate form of both these things.

They are our modern day Tron disks. Everything we do or learn we imprint on them.

And through them we are devoured, dissected, and sold.

But people love them, defend them, argue over who has the better screen, camera, etc.

No one wants to think about the elephant in the room. No one dares.

We warship the tech giants that would sell our souls if they could find a way to data mine them.

They make millions off our data, while they charge us thousands for the right to have our privacy taken away.

This is the state of smart everything in 2024.

xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)

I don't know how many of them I've seen. Those little memes that show a house that's either the picture perfect haunted house, or some lonely cabin out in the middle of nowhere. With a little text around it saying something like, "Would you stay here for X money?" Sometimes, I wish someone would do it seriously.

Often they want you to give up things like Facebook or Twitter, or even the internet all together. And I'd be alright with doing that. About the only place I'd draw the line is I'd want to be allowed at least a phone for emergency calls in the event something really bad happened and I needed help. Honestly most of the things these memes ask you to live without are things that wouldn't really be hard for me to do without at all.

I'd spend a month or even more. I'd mostly work on writing, and I'd write letters to friends and family to stay in touch. I grew up without the internet, so it's not something I haven't done before. It would almost be like a little vacation. And often times, these houses are in the middle of beautiful places! Serene forests, or mountain ranges, surrounded by trees and wildlife. It'd be almost like a little vacation.

As long as I was allowed to have a typewriter, a couple pens, and some paper. I'd probably rather enjoy it. I've thought a few times about going off and just spending a little time alone with my thoughts, so that I could get more of the stuff I want to write out of my head. I've had an idea or three for some longer stories, but I never seem to have the time to put them togehter. This would definitely give me that time.

But that said, obviously no one is going to come out of the woodwork and offer me to live the meme. Still, it gives me a chuckle to think about it.

xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
I haven't forgotten about this place, I just haven't been sure how often I should post here.  I've been working on a few things that I want to post, but they're more like little stories or editorials than stuff about me personally.  Truth is my day to day life is a little on the dull side right now and other than me doing normal day to day stuff like cooking, writing, gaming a little, etc, not a whole lot is going on. 

I'm not as exciting as I once was, that's for sure.  But I do have some stuff that's in the works.  I just have to get my head together and tap it all out.  Ideas on a page but not stories kind of thing.

Still, I wanted to touch base here.  I feel like I want to be posting more and I haven't been.  I guess I'm still a little bit unsure of what I want to do with this place since I changed direction with it a while back.  I was going to just put more "me" on here, I'm just not sure how much is the right amount. 

So this is just how my mind works, a stream of consciousness from my gray matter to my fingers and out to the internet.  I might do more of these.  In the mean time, I do have stuff I'm working on.  I also keep a paper journal for the everyday. Maybe I'll start dropping a page or two from that here as well. 
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)

Have you ever had it happen where something you've seen in the past takes the joy out of an otherwise good thing? I haven't had it happen often, but once in a while something will hit me just right and bring up feelings or memories that I haven't had to think about or feel in a long time. It happened again just a short while ago.

I was browsing social media and a friend posted a photo of their fursuit. It was cute, maybe even a little hot. (Or maybe I was just a little horny at the time and it initially just tapped into that on some level). I just looked at it for a little bit and then moved on as one does with posts like that. But, a few minutes later I was thinking about it again.

I couldn't get the image out of my head for some reason, and instead of it being a source of joy, or maybe half hearted arousal. it started hitting different. I hadn't been feeling anything negative at all when I initially saw it. But as I looked at it again that feeling got stronger. it was pain from somewhere. And then I realized what was going on. It had nothing to do with the image other than the pose. The last time I saw someone in that pose, they'd been beaten and were crying.

I've been through a lot. I've seen things I wish I hadn't, and been through things I'm sometimes glad I don't entirely remember. But now and again, like tonight, those things come back to haunt me. They say time heals all wounds, but I guess some of mine are deep enough that even after all these years they're still healing.

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    Arguably one of the worst new technologies to come along in recent years is “AI”.  Specifically Large Language Models, commonly referred to as LLMs.  They frequently hallucinate, and frequently provide information that is either unrelated and useless, or outright wrong.
    And they’re being crammed into absolutely everything imaginable.  Riding a wave of undeserved hype so huge that even companies that make products that have nothing to do with “AI,” are tripping all over themselves and confusing the crap out of their customers by adding “AI” to the names of their products when it makes absolutely no sense.  Anything to make a buck off that hype train. 
    However in reality, these products are so horrible, that they’re forced inclusion in everything is doing massive harm to many commonly used internet tools, like search engines.  And they’re creating so much garbage, like “AI” generated web pages and other content, that soon the internet as we know it will be practically useless.  I always thought that the “Dead internet theory” was kind of a joke, but we’re literally watching it happen in real time. 
    So what’s the good side of this?  As the search engines and resources we’ve come to rely on fail us, it’s forcing us to go back and use older methods of finding out information and getting things done.  Namely, going out and finding answers in real books, going out to libraries and doing research there, or contacting people that have some level of expertise that know the things we want to know and asking them directly.  In short it’s making us go from just looking to a computer for all the answers, to actually talking to one another again. 
    We’re asking each other for answers, and if we can’t find them that way, we’re looking up the people that know and asking them.  For the first time since internet search became the default, we’re being forced to actually look to one another, have conversations, and find out answers.  Sometimes we have to go to go and find them at the library, sometimes we have to contact an expert.  Most of the time people that have worked to gain a level of expertise on something are happy to share it as long as you are courteous and don’t waste their time.  And all of this increased contact with other people even if it’s still done somewhat online is bringing people out of their shells and making them use their interpersonal skills again.  Bringing them back out into the world.  Regardless of what technology brings, as a species we thrive on contact, and while the internet has brought us that in some ways, it’s taken it away in others. 
    “AI” may eventually get better.  Maybe even good enough at some point, 20, 30, 100 years down the road to live up to the hype of today.  Or it might fade away once the hype wears off.  And eventually we will pick up the pieces of the broken internet and put it back together again.  But for now, maybe it’s time we all learned a little more from one another.  And spent a little more time engaging with the people that have put so much effort into knowing how things work.  I for one am looking forward to having more conversations with real people again. 
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When I was young, I always wanted to go to Australia.  Like from about the time I was 9 or 10 I had a big map of it on my bedroom wall, and was just in love with the idea.  But I didn't  just want to visit there, I wanted to move there.  I've wanted to move to a different country for some time.  

 

Then I fell in love with the idea of going to Alaska. This is one of the few places outside the contiguous U.S. that I did actually get to go to.  I spent some time there, enough to get a real feel for what living in Alaska would be like, but at the time I didn't have the resources to really stay there.  So I had to come home.  I was only 19 at the time.  

 

After that, my thoughts turned to leaving the U.S. again.  And by that time I had started spending a lot of time with friends up in Canada, and the idea of potentially moving to Canada had been bouncing around in my head for at least a couple years.  But moving from one country to another is not only hard, but it also comes with a significant dollar value attached to it most of the time.  Not just for moving physically there, but because most countries have a requirement that you must have a set amount of money available as liquid assets just to qualify to move there.  Back then, the requirement to move to Canada was around $10,000 U.S..  I was still just a young dude and had no way of getting that kind of money together.  There were some other ways to move up, like getting a job and getting your employer to sponsor you, or going to college up there.  But trying to get a job in another country is very, VERY, hard if you don’t have some special skill that they need, and going to college in another country can be very expensive as well.  So neither of those ways were going to work out for me.  I was stuck, so I just let it go.  

 

Over the years since then, I’ve entertained the idea of moving a few more times.  Mostly to places that are either in the E.U., or again to Canada or Australia.  But things haven’t gotten any easier when it comes to doing that, and i still don’t have any way of getting it done.  I’ve kind of had to come to the realization that I may want to, I’m probably never going to be able to move out of the United States.  And the older I get, the more whatever hope I still have to do this fades.  I haven’t totally given up on it, but barring something miraculous happening I see no way of moving forward with it.  

 

If I do move again, it’s probably going to be a case of moving to wherever in the U.S. I can find that works best for me.  Maybe somewhere out west or up north, but in the end I don’t know how much of a difference it’ll make. Many of my main reasons for moving out of the U.S. aren’t really addressed by just moving somewhere else in it.

 

While I have some real issues with living in Florida, I’ve also been here for over 20 years.  It’s at this point the single place that I’ve spent the most time in, and while it may never really feel like “home”, it’s probably as close as I can get to it right now.  I may just have to learn to accept that.  That for better or worse, Florida is just where I’m going to be.  

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So I am not sure how long I will keep this, or if I will use it as much as i used to, but I have got my own Mastodon server and have returned to the service. I can be found at xoagray@phoenix.masto.host if you used to follow me there and want to again.  

I have to admit the week or so I've been away has  been pretty productive, and in a way I've kind of enjoyed it.  But I also don't want to totally alienate myself from the rest of the world.  

Anywho, I'm still going to be using this a lot, so that's not going to change.  

Sláinte.   
xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
 My Coronet just got a little brother.  

When I went to the shop to get my Coronet Auto 12 refurbished, the folks at the typewriter shop showed me this machine as well, and it stuck in my head.  The price was really good and it's in better shape than my Coronet was when I got it.  These machines are very reliable, but since there aren't as many repair shops as there used to be, the ones that still exist are surprisingly busy, and I do use these as part of my daily workflow... I decided to hike up there and grab this one too.  Wait times for a repair can be over a month. 

This machine is slightly newer , and has a slightly different feature set than my larger Coronet.  But nothing really substantial.  It's little things, like this one lacksk half line spacing, but has a separate key for half spaces and the "power space" feature (just lets you hold the button down to auto space).  In their day, these machines were some of the best electric typewriters you could buy, and they're still really nice to type on.  Much like the Coronet this one also feels like typing on a mechanical PC keyboard. (Because really, it is.)  And like the Coronet, it's blazing fast. 

Interesting side note, the business that sold me this one, and refurbished my other one, don't use computers at their store, all their documents are still done on paper,  with a  typewriter.   (I believe an IBM Wheelwriter. ) 


xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
Dien't think I was going to get this one.  

Wordle 1,145 5/6
 
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xoagray: icon art made for me by Eclipsewolf (Default)
There's something really nice about the type bar electric typewriters. They still have that visceral feel of a manual, but the light touch more like a mechanical computer keyboard. And they're amongst the fastest machines ever made. I recently got this SCM Coronet Automatic 12 and while it was a little rougher than I was told it was when I bought it, after geting it back from the repair shop I've been putting it through it's paces. All I can say is, wow, this thing can go.

I've used manual typewriters, and electronic ones, even ones that are mostly word processor, and this has to be one of the best feeling machines I've ever had. I still love my manuals, but this one is definitely going to be spending a lot of time on my desk. At least as long as our power isn't cut off for a few weeks by a hurricane. Ah the joys of living in Florida.

This is my first Smith Corona, and was one of the ones that was on my radar for some time. I kinda' really want to get a series 5 Silent Super too.

Slánte. 


An SCM Coronet Automatic 12